As a Mancunian who has lived in Newcastle and London, I’m used to people making fun of my accent. From mocking my propensity to lose the ‘g’ from words ending in ‘ing’ to catcalls over my inability (and refusal) to insert ‘r’ into bath and grass, my life as a language pariah has been long and proper boring.
The thing is, I love my regional identity. Despite years spent in the softy south, I relish my roots. And so I approached a new pocket book called How to Speak Oasis with mild excitement. Sub-headed Learn to Talk Like a Rockstar, and written by, um, Professor Mads Forrit, this small, orange hardback is a tongue-in-cheek guide to ‘the first definitive phrasebook for spoken Oasis’.
After notes on pronunciation and grammar (‘h-dropping is common in northern dialects’), what follows is a heady mix of quotes by Liam and Noel Gallagher, a Mancunian lexicon, and a quiz that I’m fairly convinced will determine which Oasis brother is the most fun down the pub (we’re all thinking Noel, right?). All told, this is what publishers call a ‘stocking filler’, a small but perfectly-formed volume which, once skimmed on Christmas Day, is never opened again.
However, I think this book might be different. As someone whose sister is about to marry a Scouser, I’m sorely tempted to re-gift my copy to my future brother-in-law, if only to really unsettle him. Then there’s the glut of marvellous Manc-isms (‘I’m not being funny like…’, ‘This is ‘angin’, ‘This is bobbins’) as well as an exhaustive guide to the complexities of Northern foodstuffs. I was particularly impressed to see bread defined as bap/barm/barmcake/breadcake/bun/cob/muffin/roll/teacake. If you’ve ever attempted to order a chip butty in the North, you’ll appreciate this minefield.
While I was familiar with much of the vernacular (yes, I know who ‘our kid’ is and ‘nesh’ is an absolute gem), I’ll admit to being stumped by a few phrases. ‘Ginnel’ is one of my all-time favourite words but I’d never heard the expression ‘couldn’t stop a pig in a ginnel’. To be honest, I’m ashamed by this lack in my Northern knowledge. If you’re similarly clueless, let me enlighten you: ‘that person has bandy legs, such that, were a pig to run at them in an alleyway, the pig would be able to run through the gap in their bandy legs’.
All this (Oasis/Northernness) being said, I’m not sure why anyone would want to mimic Liam Gallagher, unless they were attempting to enter The Guinness Book of Records with an award-winning number of ‘y’know what I mean’ utterances in one sentence. Nevertheless, I approached this slim volume much like I would a gag gift from a pal at Christmas – pleased to see it, happy to laugh at its quotes, and with a sense of familiarity. After all, who could resist a book with the best rock ‘n’ roll quote of all time, particularly when it’s about a sibling? Over to you, Noel: “He’s a man with a fork in a world of soup.”
By Helen Nugent, Editor of Northern Soul
How to Speak Oasis: Learn to Talk Like a Rockstar is available to buy now